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2008/8/6

Penguin Rising

Cycles within remind me that the work isn't done. The soot on the bricks is revived with fresh sweat. I see familiar bars on the window too high to reach. I need a new web, new eyes. I must learn to fly again. The taste in my mouth is gone. I've forgotten my last meal.

Tempted. Restrained.

Prevented. Sustained.

Silence is my weapon against your self-ignorance.

Penguin DNA doesn't disappear with global warming. We just adapt, dormant, until the return of the storm.
2007/3/20

Memories

They were simply sitting there, each on their own bench, completely oblivious to each other.  Two lifetimes of memories faintly lingered behind them like a vague mist in their minds.  One wondering if there was more than this to life, the other wondering what good they had accomplished in theirs.  Two strangers, two thoughts.  The cold was getting deeper as one shivered and the other waited patiently.  Day after day they came here, yet never noticed each other.  Some would say they were permanent fixtures.  Two lifetimes of memories eager to be shared, yet neither glance ever crossed over.  Four generations of families forever disjointed.
 
Then came one day when one of them never showed up again.  Not long after, neither did the other.  And all of a sudden, nothing happened.
 
__________________________
Trackbacks aren't registering....
 
 
2006/6/3

Silence and Obscurity

The last notes of your symphony's finale drift past the wilted desk lamps and remind me of the spring rain falling in my open mouth as I spread my arms, trying in vain to soar with the birds.  "Too late", said the gnome in the flowerbed, "You've missed the last flight out".  But I tried.  I tried to take you away with me, away from the blood-stained graffiti walls, away from the wet metallic whispers hovering on the street below your bedroom window.  My wounded body can no longer bear the weight of both of us, and I must leave one of us behind.  I tried, I promise you I tried my best.  By the time the next moon rises from the East, you will be so far ahead of me.  I would only slow you down.  Close my eyes in the rain, the same rain that will wash away your memory of me. 
 
When I wake up, an eternity from now, I will look far across the sea from the edge of the world, my dream of peace having laid itself down as far as the eye can see.  I will search for you in those old familiar places.  The graffiti walls will be shrouded in flowery vines, and the gnome at last, will be king of his very own castle.  No  more metallic whispers, only the sound of the waves crashing far below the window of your empty bedroom.
 
You carried on, far beyond what I was capable of.  How much further than me did you make it?  How much more than mine will your personal paradise be?  I'm sorry I disappointed you, letting you down where you thought I would shine.  You shone much brighter than I, brighter than eye could endure.  My wish for paradise is likely unattainable, too ambitious.  I will be granted life, but not love.  I will have your music within me, but I will not have love.
 
I will often wonder if you think of me from time to time, the way I think of you, and if you remember me as your soulmate, he who once completed you.  And yet, a world apart from you, I can only wonder what was your desire, where you chose to live for eternity, and if that wish from your heart was granted to you.  I will wonder, I will...
 
How long have you been standing there?  How did you get here?
2006/3/13

I've Survived

I've survived.
The cold touch of the dead of winter.  A new season of thaw is just around the corner.  I resisted to the successive salvos of frost and to the northern chill.
I've survived.
I lay here breathing my first breaths, witnessing my first sunrise of the new warm season.  Icicles at my window drip an endless stream of crystal blue teardrops, mourning the end of winter.
I've survived.
What will it be this year?  What have I been incarnated into?  What has this metamorphosis birthed me into?
I've survived.
And it's all thanks to you.
2006/2/2

Assisted

This is your desire, your last wish. You've reached the end. The end of your pain, and everything else it entails. Your last resort in this fight against illness and despair. I will hold your hand as you exhale your last breath and slowly leave your carcass behind. Please don't hold me responsible despite my aid, my chemicals, my compassion, for you are the one leaving this world, on your own terms. I will be once again alone in this sterile room.

Your soul and body are now separate. I take your body away, send it back to the Earth whence it came so that your matter may continue to serve a purpose beyond your grave.
__________________________________
... with the tacky ending removed.

2006/1/26

Rekindled

As the last cold drop of blood drips from your lips and into my hand, the cycle is complete.  Where once you were the giver of life, you have now exhausted your inner spirit, that delicately scented candle, that beacon in my ocean of doubt.  With this last drop of life, you pass on the torch so that I, in turn may become a lighthouse for the lost, an anchor in the night. 
 
I will not fail, I will honour you.
2006/1/12

Letting (Yourself) Go

You let me into your room for an agendaless week.  Nothing to do, nothing to think about.  At times I couldn't tell if it was morning or night.  My normal routine was just a nagging voice muffled behind the velvet curtain.  Your mother's piano, now out-of-tune, still echoed from down the hall, playing sonatas from moons past enriched as their sound traveled across the warmth of the pine flooring, reminding you of better days.  The smell of morning toast, marmalade and coffee, or maybe a pork roast from the night before that still linger in the air, but is gradually being replaced with the odor of failed TV dinners.  Where has it all gone to?  What has happened? 
 
You've let yourself go ever so slowly.  You never noticed.  The wallpaper is lifting at the corners.  There are soot stains on the air vent grills.  The prints on the walls are rippling inside their frames, screaming to escape.
 
This downward spiral, this new world order is doing me no good.  I am far from home and have reached the point of saturation.  I've let myself get sucked into this vortex you have weaved.  A hole so dense not even love can escape.
 
The only window to the real world is the occasional weather report.  The recycled air and processed food are poisoning my mind and letting it slip into passivity.
 
Please, I beg you, let me open this window.  The sidewalk far below beckons me.
2006/1/4

Separated

Broken, lost, separated, divided.  East and West across the concrete wall.  Heaven and Hell across the dwelling space of the present, here on Earth.  My arms feel the scorching heat as I reach for you across the void.  I call to you across the fields of perfectly linear knee-high crops, but you only hear those in the same space as you.  You're surrounded by a black wooden frame hung on my grandmother's living room wall, trapped in a snapshot which will never fade, but only whose fashion will become outdated.  As a dove takes flight in slow motion from your shoulder it smudges the paint still wet from your surroundings.  It shatters the glazing that separates you from sanity as the shards fall and stab the floor, giving it a new wound to bleed through, forever drowning it in a merciless infection that spans the space between my heart and my mind.

__________________________________________________

Inspired by memories.

2005/12/19

Guilty As Charged

A droning silence buzzes in my head and numbs my thoughts.  My palms and my fingertips still tingle from the impact of landing on the wet stone floor, thrown by your careless words and selfish motives.  Things taken for granted for some might not be second nature for others.  Don't punish me for the knowledge I lack that you believe I should have been born with. 

Every day that goes by feels like an elephant in my lungs, monopolizing my vital space, spiriting away my breathing air, and trampling over my thoughts, my dear and last possessions.  You've created the monster in my closet; now I can no longer sleep soundly.  You've birthed this horror to me without reason or a fair trial.  But you've sentenced me to this cell where I live in the shadow of guilt and my only advocate is the mold that covers these dripping stony walls.

Kill me now, end this agony so that I may, in return, become the monster in your closet.

_________________________________________________________

Inspired From answer me.. please...' Need to know... Why?

2005/12/5

Burn

A toxic drop through my gut burns.
To feel her heat my body yearns.
The seeds are sown. A desire for possession
Soon turns into an unruly obsession.

The promise seems so far away.
And hour by hour, day by day
Further away it seems to get

The runaway feeling that our bodies never met.
Confide in me, release in me, Let your flesh be freed upon me.
Feel how my soul tears itself in two
And how both halves reunite in you.

Impatiently I wait and long for her warm rain,
For her blood to run through my own vein.
Hopeful is the day when there will be no pain,
Hope without which any fool would go insane.

_________________________

Something I wrote earlier this year, but had been left behind...
 
2005/11/28

Used

Alone at the mid-point of this bridge interfacing solace and lechery, I stop to watch the ice cold black moonlit river flow far beneath my feet.  I need to stop and catch my breath, running from the hotel room far behind me where I tried to cheat life, betray the very meaning of love, and defile its definition, only to satisfy my own craving.  I thought I could fool myself for a moment, and secretly indulge in the temporary passion of hedonism.  But instead they violated me, choosing to use me for an equivalent disposable pleasure, my sense of foresight having been far less than the price of my flesh.  Like an apple they consumed me, but left my core to rot.

I close my eyes and wish myself back into the arms of forgiveness.  But all I can see are the dark walls of the hotel room, where the moonlight was choked by the curtains and the abused open bar fridge stared at me in my shameful nakedness.

I wait in this freezing cold to be taken away.  The snapping pain of the glacial wind on my face will only be the first of many acts of penance I will take against my flesh to chastise myself for this treachery I have been found guilty of.

2005/11/24

Searching for Answers

Trying to crack the code, reconstructing the events, fall after fall, cut after cut.  Each drop of blood, like grains of sand in an hourglass, allows more time to slip away from the clutch of your hand.  When every next breath may be your last, I try to understand how and why they did this to you.  To reverse the hands of time proves an impossible feat.  They've grafted an engima into my soul, a painting on which you are the canvas.  Your quiet desparate gaze has sent me on a hunt for answers. 
 
I will search every alley, peering inside every doorway of the abandoned homes, searching, begging for answers.  Meanwhile on my bathroom floor, you will slowly fade into the cold terminal winter, leaving behind the blade, the noose and the pills that stole you away from me.
2005/10/12

Mourning Light

An unwanted beam of light perturbs my sleep.  I see the first light of day peering through the cracks of these cold stone walls that sweat a staining dew.  My sores are on the doorstep of clotting.  The last coal in the corner has long ago surrendered its last breath of smoldering life as the coldness of the walls krept up on my flesh in the night and brought numbness to my limbs.  The taste of uselessness and abandon, that indelible paste in my mouth, reminds me of rusted gates of condemmned childhood schoolyards.  One too many slipknots found on the rainwashed jungle gyms.
 
I'll find my own way out of the woods, out of the field.  Break the cycle.
2005/10/4

Carried

My bruised flesh is picked up from the cobblestone lane.  My knees do not obey and my eyes hurt at the very sight of the gas street lanterns.  My tunic is stained from the battle before the celebration.  I can hear distant remnants of folklore and merry drinks making their rounds as waitresses clink empty mugs off tables.  My feet are no longer touching the ground as I approach the door of my dwelling.  The heavy wooden door, still barely large enough to cover the opening in the stone wall betrays the candlelight from within through its edge.  She lays me down on the straw-padded floor and piles a few logs in the smoldering fireplace.  She walks in front of the candelabra as I spy the silhouette of her thighs through her skirt.  She kneels at my side then takes a nearby pail of water and sponges my forehead with the corner of her garment. 
 
She tells me I'm going to be allright. 
 
She carried me home.
2005/9/28

Take a Picture

The world has been made anew.  Take a picture.  Go back to your photo albums and replace those pictures of the old crumbling world with your new snapshot.  Preserve the world in its pristine virgin state and never let it molder.  For if you step inside, the frame may crack and the smooth ground beneath you may benumb your feet.  Heed this warning and may you be prudent.  You've captured the state of life in its perfect element.  It will never be altered by the sands of time, the blowing wind will never change its beautiful shape.  Do not penetrate it, but rather let it absorb you.  Do not invade it, yet let it invite you.  It will one day ripen and embrace you.
 
May you be patient and give the picture time to develop.
 
2005/9/23

Rise at Dusk

Her body awakens at night.  No longer subdued by daytime routines, she is set free.  She absorbs the light from the sky and turns it to night.  She plucks the stars from the firmament and hides them in her cloak, for their light strengthens her flesh and brings others to their knees.  Her eyes betray the hiding moon as a nocturnal moth desperately seeks the warmth of a semptember lamppost.
2005/9/12

Poison

Language Advisory
 
My mind gone astray, my thoughts miscalculated.  A craving within my gut I cannot satiate.  A rebel within me screaming, tearing at the fingernail-scarred bars in the window.  I struggle to find serenity but realize I'm only at peace when my morality is questionable.  Razor blades have become outmoded and therefore don't provide the punch that will fire my synapses at the right level.  I quest for new stimulation.  Inject me.  Fix me.  Feed me.  Strip me of my protection.  I crave the irritation underneath my skin followed be blissful release of endorphin.  Did the craving originate from childhood dare of pop rocks and coke?  Or was it the provocation that followed?  Feed me.  Feel me.  Misbehave with me.  Finger me.  Tear my skin.  Mark me.  Fuck me.  Twist me.  Disturb me.
 
Am I satisfied with turmoil alone or
do I gain more satisfaction, albeit temporary,
from synthetics and getting it done by others in darkness?
2005/8/22

Of Nothing and Everything

If I had all the possessions in the world, but didn't have you, I would have nothing, for you are my every thing.  Once I have you, I have no more need.  I hunger for nothing else but you and feel longing for nothing else than your presence.  Feel my flesh next to you all through the night and rest assured that it will always be there, as long as I breathe the air of your air and taste the food of your flesh.

2005/7/21

Trigger Treat

A lust for something hidden away in your mind wanting to be unlocked. A familiar craving. From the tip of your finger onto the tip of your tongue.  Yes. Very familiar indeed.  Something you thought you'd forgotten, yet its sweet taste still lingers in the shadows, concealed in your own memory, locked away, only to be freed unexpectedly by the simple trigger of my touch.  The voice of an old friend, the taste of your first sweet. 

Savor it quietly or luxuriate in it loudly if you wish.  This is my treat.  Just for you.

2005/7/20

Trauma

I taste your turmoil. It is my only nourishment from within this cage. You locked me up, now why won't you go away? My mind is no longer my own. My thoughts are meaningless and worthless. The brainrot that I've dreaded all my life is here to stay. One last sweet trauma, and this one will last forever. The city calls me but I don't answer. I'm losing myself. I’ve forgotten the language of the city. The woman on the iceberg is far behind, yet she still haunts me. If I try to escape between the bars, they wrap around my neck and choke me. She keeps the key to the cage. I want her to give it back to its rightful owner. I just want to be free and feed myself. If I can’t even have that, at least let me die with a smile.